Thursday, November 30, 2006

Scattershooting

We got snow today! Yep, East Texas gets that cold!





The EoD launched 3 cruise missiles into the nation of L. L's declaration of war is likely, but no less than 10 (of 30) GAAF aircraft were destroyed. The GAAF has a piddling 19 planes now - mostly F14's and F105's.



Time for a ground offensive from the GAAF, perchance?

While the Pope is in Turkey, let us consider dialogue:

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Al Quaeda to Pope - Crusader!

Gee, who has the guns in this "crusader campaign?"

Maybe the Swiss Guard will stage a coup d'etat, or Opus Dei will send out a hitman, or Benedict will sic the ghost of Torquemada on the president of Turkey, or...

Um...

Reminds me of something. When our Lord was captured, he said he could call out a legion of angels. But he refused.

You think Muhammad would have turned a legions of angels down like that? Hey, I would have, if only to check out what weapons angels use{1}...







{1} J.R.R. Tolkien claims they fought with songs. When will they do something about that man?

All ye lovers of gore and explosions...

The War has kicked back into gear! The GAAF (Green Army Air Force) flew 2 missions early this morning, and O-Town is considering an investment in Surface-to-Air Missiles.

Quick summary: 2 GAAF F16's against 2 TAF (Tan Air Force, Tan being color of O-Town) J35's. 2 J35's shot down; 1 F16 shot down. Rumor that shot-down pilot was listening to Billy Idol and thus distracted.

4 GAAF F105's against a radar/AAA emplacement next to the piano. Both targets destroyed; no casualties.

The TAF promises to make the GAAF sorry they dared. More later.

(Can't understand this? Read this link.)

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Newfound Link!

To The Man in Black's website, no less!

Another Chesterquote!

I finished "The Flying Inn" and started on "Manalive." "The Flying Inn" contains the famous Song of Quoodle ("For they haven't any noses/ the fallen sons of Eve") among other funny poems.

This, however, is from Manalive:

"He undoubtedly had brains; and perhaps it was not his fault if they were the kind of brains that most men desire to analyze with a poker."

(Referring to a Dr. Warner, who wrote about the "probable existence of pain in the lower animals." Tsk, tsk.)

Monday, November 27, 2006

The Bible is a strange book

Case in point, folks - Nehemiah 3:14.

"Malchijah the son of Rechab, ruler of the district of Bethhaccherem, repaired the Dung Gate; he rebuilt it and set its doors, its bolts, and its bars."

Methinks the OSHA should investigate whether Malchijah took proper precautions for his workmen.

(Before you congratulate me: I read Nehemiah for Religion class.)

Sunday, November 26, 2006

The wages of sin is death,

Whereas the wages of gluttony is stomachache.

I am currently reading the book "The Flying Inn," by G.K. Chesterton. It's about two men who roam England with a barrel of rum and a sign from an inn, avoiding the enforcement of a British Prohibition (enforced, oddly enough, by champagne-sipping noblemen). Good so far.

This is the point when prudence is expected to overrule desire. 10:43, Sunday night, means "Go to Bed."

God bless.

Beauty is a reflection of God...

As anyone whose church looks more like a barracks knows. This is nice:


but I have an objection. Doesn't that look a bit like a shooting gallery - "Shoot the Apostle," I suppose?

THAT'S THE LAST THING I'M ABOUT TO DO, YA HEAR?

I actually like reading "The Prince"

Here's an article about him.

Machiavelli didn't just lower the moral standards; he abolished them. More than a pragmatist, he was an anti-moralist. The only relevance he saw morality having to success was to stand in its way.

Exactly.

Somehow it sounds familiar.

Read this thing of Roman Sacristan's

The capitalist system was made for man, not man for the capitalist system.

Check out this old gem!

From the same folks that published the great prayer, "The Peanut Butter Cracker Blessing!"

A prayer that sprang from the fertile mind of yours truly, no less!

The Pope is going to Turkey, as you know...



But instead of doing this, I recommend he ride in:




THIS!


But it is a little, er, violent. Scratch that.


This was considered, but dismissed:


The Pope's response (according to CNN): "Ah...we're going to Turkey, not to Alpha Centauri, your Eminence..."

Priestcraft

The crowd waited silently, staring upwards towards the temple. In its entranceway a woman, wearing a flowing white robe and a hair net, mounted a three-legged stand. As they looked up, they saw her silhouetted against the dark-blue sky like a female Titan. She cried,

"I WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY!"

An awestruck cry came from every lip. "Surely," they thought, "Surely there is no god like Scientia!"

A Puzzlement

When I was a boy
World was better spot
What was so was so
What was not was not

Now I am a man
World have changed a lot
Some things nearly so!
Others nearly not!

There are times I almost think
I am not sure of what I absolutely know
Very often find confusion
In conclusion I concluded long ago

In my head are many facts
That, as a student, I have studied to procure,
In my head are many facts.
Of which I wish I was more certain
I
Was
Sure!

Is a puzzlement!

Shall I join with other nations in alliance?
If allies are weak, am I not best alone?
If allies are strong with power to protect me,
Might they not protect me out of all I own?

Is a danger to be trusting one another
One will seldom want to do what other wishes
But unless someday somebody trust somebody -
There'll be nothing left on earth -
Excepting fishes!

There are times I almost think
Nobody sure of what he absolutely know!
Everybody find confusion
In conclusion he concluded long ago!
And it puzzle me to learn
That tho' a man may be in doubt of what he know,
Very quickly he will fight -
He'll fight -
to prove that what he
Does
Not
Know
Is
So!

Oh-h-h-h-h-h!
Sometimes I think that people going mad!
Ah-h-h-h-h-h!
Sometimes I think that people not so bad!

But not matter what I think
I must go on living life.
As leader of my kingdom I must go forth,

Be father to my children
and husband to each wife
Etcetera, etcetera, and so forth...

If my Lord in Heaven, Buddha, show the way
Every day I try to live another day!
If my Lord in Heaven, Buddha, show the way
Every day I do my best for one more day!
BUT!
IS!
A PUZZLEMENT!

(As rendered by Yul Brynner in the film version of "The King and I.")

Saturday, November 25, 2006

So, there I was in Costco...

pushing a pallet to get some Gatorade, and suddenly this employee asks me to drop my cellphone.



I have no cellphone.



I am, as those who know me are aware, quite slow on the uptake. So I stopped and tried to figure out what he meant.

"Drop your phone!" the gentleman said again, "Isn't that your phone?"

(In fairness, he was trying to get me to take a free cell phone. I don't know the hows and whys, but it must be said that he was working, not indulging in a weird monomania.)

Now, my pocketknife has a clip to keep it hanging onto the top of my pocket. With typical obtuseness, I gestured to it and explained that it wasn't really a phone, it was...

"No, I mean that!" as he pointed to a pouch on my hip - containing a Leatherman and an high-power flashlight.

I showed it to him, explained that "my dad wouldn't let me have a phone anyways," and, thanking him, moved off.

When you can't whoop "Is a PUZZLEMENT!" at the top of your voice, you laugh. Or so a wise man told me. So I did.

Scariness

Today, my dad, some brothers, and I were at Target looking for a gift for another brother who just had his birthday. While browsing the toy aisle, Dad and I came across a car/toy set. The car was just a Matchbox car; the toy was a small plastic monster - a dinosaur skeleton, a big-clawed Yeti, etc.

Dad said "I don't see the point of playing with that."

After a good deal of rumination and pecan pie, I found the point.

Since children are too young to be sophists, they believe in a world of Good and Evil. The Good people, moreover, should oppose and fight the Bad people. That is well and good.

But they naturally assume the Good People are perfectly good, and the Bad People are perfectly bad. If this belief lasts beyond age 5, trouble ensues.

So, they make the Bad People look evil. Very, very evil. Claws, wicked glares, maevolent smiles, big teeth - the whole works. Point of fact, they don't let them be people - they make them monsters of one sort or another.

Thus, Satan's minions don't get confused with Mr. Jackson, who lives down the street.

Very necessary thing, that.

Friday, November 24, 2006

I hit a joint called Brazos de Dios today

Courtesy of the Center for Essential Education. Lessons learned from the trip:

  1. Division of Labor is not really a bad idea. I would rather do a lot of political analyzing and sell it for pottery, barley, and rope than make the pottery, barley, and rope myself. Thanks, Adam Smith.
  2. When somebody has a Scots Calvinist in his family tree, he doesn't forget it very quickly.
  3. Bluegrass music is the best.
  4. American Protestants have better religious songs than American Catholics. Gregorian chant is not American - it came from Europe.
  5. Gospel music tends to jibe well with Catholic teaching.
  6. All the same, "Amazing Grace" is still the only worthwhile Gospel song.
  7. Some people find the difference between Chocolate and Carob important.
  8. Apple cider is better than soda.
  9. Sorghum is not really for human consumption.
  10. Women are the prime beneficiaries of the Industrial Revolution. Weaving, for instance, used to take two women (somehow, never men) operating a large intricate device, weaving 1 inch of fabric every 5 minutes or so. Nowadays, machines weave hundreds of times faster.
  11. When the Bible says Goliath had a spear like a weaver's shuttle, it means it was BIG.
  12. Protestants, unlike me, use "I feel" when they mean "I decided that the best way to serve God was..."

More later - my sister is pushing me off - PUT DOWN THAT CATTLE PROD, YOUNG LADY!

Though these people sound rather like "Crunchy Cons" in my opinion.

Historians know...

What weird situations some men are in when they make world-shaking decisions.

For instance, this bit from Diogenes. Makes you wonder what they do at the Vatican the rest of the year.

On the Third Secret:

OF COURSE the Pope and Sr. Lucia can't be telling the truth!

OF COURSE it isn't what THEY say it is!

By the way...

I like the comments. No dates, no sources, just claims.

Reminds me of the folks that claim stuff about the Kennedy assassination.

PS. My theory is that the assassination was the creation of a Communist activist named Lee Harvey Oswald. Don't tell anyone.

Democracy in Action!...

Muslim-style.

"The Catholic relief organization Caritas has been forced to close its office in Mosul, Iraq, because of an intimidation campaign accompanied by demands for support of a local Muslim group, the AsiaNews service reports."

I'm glad it isn't Saddam who did that.

GOD IS COMING TO AMERICA!

I was under the impression that HE is omnipresent. Oh well.

The Muse speaks to me...

but urges me to quote Chesterton.

I wish I was a Jelly Fish
That cannot fall down-stairs
Of all the things I wish to wish
I wish I was a Jelly Fish
That hasn't any cares
And doesn't even have to wish
"I wish I was a Jelly Fish
That cannot fall down-stairs!"
Some more Chesterton, apropos to my posting this at midnight, November 24:
"Misers get up early in the morning, and burglars the night before."
Sleep off that turkey!
(PS: Any British readers celebrate Hooray-The-Puritans-Are-Gone-Day? Chesterton recommended that it become a holiday.)

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Warfare!

When I began this blog, I alluded to the existence of a war for my house. I shall now explain briefly.

The Republic of O-Town and the Empire of Dallas have taken our house from the Dominion of M-Town. The Nation of "L" supports the Green Army of M-Town's attempt to retake it, and fails to notice when attack aircraft and fighters take off from abandoned airfields and destroy Dallas and O-Town emplacements.

One such attack aircraft is below:

The F-105, or "Thud," has shown itself to be quite effective - it shot down 3 EoD aircraft, and destroyed an AAA position and 3 radar positions.

It hasn't flown for a week or two because of the Thanksgiving ceasefire, but it will be back!

Histor, Your Friendly Frontline Correspondent

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Well, whattaya know?

The Curt Jester proves that the Papal States still exist!

Well, yes, the iota matters!

As you may no, the Arian controversy of the 4th century eventually came down to the question of whether Christ was "of like substance" or "consubstantial" (one in substance). The Greek words for each were only differentiated by a letter i, or iota, hence "not an IOTA of difference."

However, had Christ been just "of like substance," then something less than infinitely perfect would have been offered on Calvary. This would mean that Calvary wasn't really sufficient, and you can guess what would come after that! Thus, what words you use to describe permanent truths are important.

Keep this in mind as you read this.

POPE DECLARES "CARELESS DRIVING" INTRINSICALLY EVIL!

What shameless religious imperialism! Won't he make allowances for alternative wisdom traditions that permit carelessness behind the wheel?

HUH?

Here is a quote from the Pope:

"I tirelessly ask motorists to respect the traffic regulations, and always to pay attention to others."

:-)

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Dadwithnoisy kids checked his accent here

He has an Inland-North accent.

I tried it and

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Midland

"You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.

The Inland North
The South
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The West
Boston
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes



Yesss, my preciouss, they hasn't caught on to us, no precious! We are ssafe!

Saturday, November 18, 2006

In Defense of this Blog

During the 1920's, someone commented that anyone who wasn't a messiah could see that America was overrun with messiahs. Nowadays, anyone who isn't a blogger can see that America is overrun with bloggers.

So why me?

Well, I have the advantage of being eldest in a large family, a "Russian War Machine" of families, in fact. (Explanatory note: Anytime a war broke out, the Russian army would take several weeks to do anything about it. My family is like that when it's time to leave the house.) This has given me a broad, well-informed outlook on life. Secondly, I have opinions about everything. There are plenty of subjects between "the Pope" and "toy soldiers fighting for Histor's house" worth looking into. Finally, people who talk with me tell me "You should have a blog, so I could get some peace every now and then instead of listening to your ramblings about whatever strikes your fancy!"

I rest my case.

Well, a little about what I am interested in, so you can guess what I'll say next. Firstly, Catholicism - its doctrine, worship, culture, and weird anomalies. Secondly, history. Anything that happened more than one week ago is in this category. Thirdly, warfare of all sorts, times, and intents. Fourthly, reading - accent on theology, philosophy, politics, and G.K. Chesterton. Thus, I'll have a wide scope of topics, and so will you.

"But," you ask, "why do you have such a silly title? Why not a proper Latin title, like "Gravitas et Bathos," or an English title, like "Histor is the best thing in the world?"

Well, criticism of my Latin is fine - "Puzzlement" doesn't have a Latin equivalent. However, like the King of Siam in The King and I, I find that life is a puzzlement, and "Is a puzzlement" was too unoriginal. Translated into Latin, it's what it is.

I end with a quote from the aforementioned play (modified due to my religious imperialism):

If milord in heaven, Jesus, show the way
Every day I try to live another day!
If milord in heaven, Jesus, show the way
Every day I do my best for one more day -
But!
Is!
A Puzzlement!

Exit King and Orchestra.

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