I won't blog again until New Year's...

Or at least, I'll try not to.

So, for Christmas Day...

The twenty-fifth day of December,

In the five thousand one hundred and ninety-ninth year of the creation of the world

from the time when God in the beginning created the heavens and the earth;

the two thousand nine hundred and fifty-seventh year after the flood;

the two thousand and fifteenth year from the birth of Abraham;

the one thousand five hundred and tenth year from Moses and the going forth of the people of Israel from Egypt;

the one thousand and thirty-second year from David's being anointed king;

in the sixty-fifth week according to the prophecy of Daniel;

in the one hundred and ninety-fourth Olympiad;

the seven hundred and fifty-second year from the foundation of the city of Rome;

the forty second year of the reign of Octavian Augustus;

the whole world being at peace,

in the sixth age of the world,

Jesus Christ

the eternal God and Son of the eternal Father,

desiring to sanctify the world by his most merciful coming,

being conceived by the Holy Spirit,

and nine months having passed since his conception,

was born in Bethlehem of Judea of the Virgin Mary,

being made flesh.

The Nativity of our Lord Jesus Christ according to the flesh.

Merry Christmas!

These folks are FULL OF IT!

You Are a Cranberry and Popcorn Strung Tree

Christmas is all about showcasing your creative talents.From cookies to nicely wrapped presents, your unique creations impress everyone.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatchristmastreeareyouquiz/">What Christmas Tree Are You?

Woohoo! or NOT

Check this Christmas-themed picture from...yep, GKC out:

Source.

Then consider this.

I'm betting 10 to 1 the draft will return before I turn 30, and 1 to 2 I will be enlisted as a result.

Then again, I *have* considered getting a commission...but I'm not sure of anything yet.

You'd never know it from looking at me, but...

I'm a Ford Mustang!

You're an American classic -- fast, strong, and bold. You're not snobby or pretentious, but you have what it takes to give anyone a run for their money.

"Take the http://www.tomorrowland.us/sportscar">Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

From DadWithNoisyKids.

Safety Tips for Christmas

First off, don't get stuck on the Christmas Tree, like Dangler Roberts...



Or drink more than your body mass, like Rab D. Teufelhundt here did...

Or put face-paint on your face while standing on a beer bottle, like [censored by U.S. Army]...


Or try to discover the True Meaning of Christmas by shooting people, like November the Masked Rebel has done...


Or let Dom get near you with his [censored by Dad] digital camera, like the Cat in the Hat* and Balthasar here did.












Secondly, do not get too freaked (unless your son is BLOGGING when he's not supposed to).

Thirdly, try and remember that the idea is to celebrate God's birth.

Fourthly, read this from Chesterton's The Everlasting Man:

"No other birth of a god or childhood of a sage seems to us to be Christmas or anything like Christmas. It is either too cold or too frivolous, or too formal and classical, or too simple and savage, or too occult and complicated. Not one of us, whatever his opinions, would ever go to such a scene with the sense that he was going home. He might admire it because it was poetical, or because it was philosophical, or any number of other things in separation; but not because it was itself."

*The Cat in the Hat is still sober - he has high alcohol resistance.

The Worst Christmas Song I can Imagine:

"Don't You Love The Christmas Spirit You Get When You Come Home For the Holidays and Unwrap the Gifts with Grandma and the Reindeer To Remember The True Meaning of Christmas?"

A composite, as you can notice, of many different songs.

(P.S. If you read this, Grandmas D. and P., just I have nothing against you. I have something against generic grandmas scattered about the place.)

And man...

When I see my brothers looking inane, it's more than I can do to not crush their skulls with featherdusters!

So no "Don't hit your brothers" announcements, Mom and Dad. It's natural for an older brother to want to smack his juniors. Verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry natural. Can't stop it, buster.

(On the positive side, Mom, you don't need to post bail or hide me. I can protect myself from the cops with my featherduster.)

P.S: Pray for us not to get sick over Christmas.

The Twelve Days of...REVOLUTION!

Well, you know all about the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas" and its putative symbolism.

I, however, have discovered the REAL meaning behind the song - it's chock-full of allegories relating to the American Revolution!

In descending order...

1. Twelve Drummers Drumming: As thirteen is considered unlucky, the writers of the song consolidated North and South Carolina to get Twelve Colonies.
2. Eleven Pipers Piping: A reminder of eleven important cities - New York City; Philadelphia; Charleston, SC; Savannah, GA; London; Paris; Boston; Yorktown, VA; Quebec, Canada; Saratoga, NY; and Valley Forge, PA.
3. Ten Lords a-Leaping: The Parliament (especially the House of Lords) "leaping" in frustration.
4. Nine Ladies Dancing: A veiled reference to the party in which Francis Marion ('The Swamp Fox') broke his ankle jumping out a window.
5. Eight Maids a-Milking: The American Revolution lasted eight years (1775 to 1783).
6. Seven Swans a-Swimming: Since the American Navy was outmatched by the British, they had to stay in port most of the time. Their sails remained pure white instead of weathering - hence the "swans."
7. Six Geese a-Laying: The British hired many German mercenaries, particularly Hessian light infantry, to fight the Americans. And, of course, those Germans goose-stepped.
8. Five Golden Rings: The Americans won five important battles in the Revolution: Concord, Trenton, Saratoga, Eutaw Springs, and Yorktown.
9. Four calling Birds: Refers to a. the messengers who summoned delegates to the Stamp Act Congress, b. the messengers who summoned them to the First Continental congress, c. Paul Revere and William Dawes, who warned of the British raid on Concord, and d. the messengers who summoned delegates to the Second Continental Congress.
10. Three French Hens: The French Navy, who were just enough to ensure America's victory at Yorktown.
11. Two Turtledoves: The two crucial characters in the American Revolution were Thomas Paine, whose Common Sense roused America against the British, and George Washington, whose competent generalship brought about America's victory.
12. A Partridge in a Pear Tree: This is another tribute to Washington, idealized as perched in a Liberty Tree which bears sweet fruit.

On a serious note, remeber the soldiers who fought in the Revolution this Christmas, especially those who fought at Trenton.

And I would be remiss if I forgot (as I did this) these soldiers of this battle, particularly the 101st Airborne.

The heck with Che shirts...

Wear this shirt!

"Viva Histor!" sounds pretty appealing, don't it?

If...

I were on a just-taken battlefield, commanding a squad of U.S. Marines...

And two of my men were writhing in pain from bullets in the guts...

And a third was fretting over how to kill a %&^^%* lobster for dinner in such a manner that it doesn't "feel lots of pain"...

I would probably bang him over the head with my pistol.

Have you ever tried...

Blue Stilton Cheese, crumbled and put into a grilled-cheese sandwich?

It tastes...worth the bother.

Though Blue Stilton Cheese is kind of hard to withstand - the "blue" aspect is off-putting.

It no doubt has a wine for it...

But I stick with water. Dad doesn't believe in letting 16 year olds get merry and jolly and all that. Hmph.

Tragic.

It is as dehumanizing as being born from an ostrich egg.

Embrace the Prayer of the Frog

What about the worship of the Wasp-God?

It goes as follows:

1. Find somewhere with wasps - my family's compost pile, f'rinstance.
2. Get some food scraps - eggshells, coffee grounds, orange peel, etc.
3. Hold a bowl full of the food scraps while standing before the place with wasps.
4. Stand on your left leg.
5. Start spinning around on your left leg (not letting your right touch the ground) while chanting, "Oooolooolooolooo...ooolooolooolooo..."
6. Fling the food scraps in the direction of the wasps.
7. Run like the dickens.

My Christmas Wish List

Mostly books. If anyone wants to give me some *dons greedy grin* let me know.

The Bridge over the River Kwai (note the "over")
Fighting the War on Terror
The SAS Fighting Techniques Handbook
FN's FAL rifle

SIG's P226 pistol in .357 SIG
The Rise and Fall of the Communist Revolution
Land of Black Gold
A History of the American People

Socrates Meets Machiavelli

Christianity and the Crisis of Cultures

Anything by G. K. Chesterton

Apologia Pro Vita Sua

An SVD Sniper Rifle

Two Mastiffs

Lessons in Jigging, Waltzing, and Capering

Richard Dawkins to Stop Making Things Up (just so you know, a "multiverse" sounds like something Frank Herbert should have written about)

A LAV 25

And...

The Republic of Texas to control every inch of this planet, so we won't have to worry about this nonsense. (Dear Mr. Gates: We are either "winning" or "losing." If not the former, then the latter.)

But we'll apply the Principle of Subsidiarity, so don't worry.

Looking back over this list, I remember that the work ethic is one of the best things about America, and...you know what that leads to. So you are under no obligation, serious or otherwise, to get me this huge mess of stuff.

By they way, check out this book recently released by Somebody:

The Adventures of Tintin Verus part 2

Tintin arrives in Chicago and almost immediately gets in a car "accident." He recovers quite easily (Tintin is good at recovering from accidents) and sets out to bust up the Inane Liturgy Syndicate.

However, Capone's best parish facilitators are on his tail...

The Adventures of Tintin Verus

Some of you may know nothing of Tintin, so I shall explain. He is, or was, a fairly young Belgian reporter for L'osservatore Romano, with Perpetual Motion Syndrome and a knack for surviving near-death experiences. With his faithful terrier, Snowy, he reported on the sorry state of religious practice in Soviet Russia and uncovered nefarious vestment-making practices in the then-Belgian Congo.

Switch to Al Capone's Headquarters, circa 1931...



Just so you know, I think the glasses-wearing thug is named Bobby Smiles.

Scattershooting v2

"Besides things like the five golden rings obviously refer to the Olympics - duh."

THAT is why I like the Curt Jester.

One of the altar boys at our parish, Ray, is entering the Army on December 26. So we had a enchilada lunch at church on Sunday in his honor, as well as some group shots before Mass left off. For those, Father changed out of his You-know-what-color vestments and donned purple.

Next you know, he will call himself Gaius Paulus Caesar, Imperator Romanorum.

I figured out why Easter does not get the hoopla and fuss Christmas does in our culture. Christmas' theme can be transmuted to great religious principles like Generosity to People You Know Nothing About, Flying-in-the-face-of-reality Idealism about Family, Food, and Wasting Money on Baubles. (Not that there's anything wrong with such themes, but they're not too important.) Did I mention Religious Conversion a la Ebeneezer Scrooge, gargantuan turkey and all?

Easter, however, is unique. The only new thing under the sun, in fact. Nothing can be connected to the spectacle of Christ crushing death. Nothing there to give a warm fuzzy feeling, though. And warm fuzzy feelings sell stuff - which is why so many cookies and pies are sold under the name "Grandma's," in defiance of physics, common sense, and time constraints.

The unbelievable intolerance!

No figurized women on the exit sign?

Next you know, women will be banned from any job paying over $30,000 a year!

They will be relegated to breeding machines! Men's playthings!

STOP THE TYRANNY!

The Meme who was Thursday (from Curt Jester!)

A "meme" (whatever that means) on one of my many favorite subjects - G. K. Chesterton!

1. When did you first read a Chesterton book, story, or poem, and which was it?

"The Everlasting Man" I read on a trip about two years ago. I still laugh at his ruminations and cave life, cave art, and the cave-relations of the sexes.

2. What was the most recent of GKC's writings you read?

Heretics.

3. Which is your favorite book, poem - or quote?

I will be honest. It's The Great Jelly-fish Triolet.

4. Which would you recommend to a beginner?

I would say to start with "The Defendant" or "The Innocence of Father Brown." Alternatively, read "Greybeards at Play."

5. What is the most unusual fact or quirky detail you know about G.K.
Chesterton?

Well, in his Autobiography he tells how he had to turn down an American firm's offer to photograph him with "The Twenty-Four Bathing Beauties." Chesterton compared this hypothetical scene to Levithan with the Nereids. What a Nereid is you will have to figure out.

REPORT FROM THE FIELD

Last night, the 8th of December, Year of Our Lord 2006, at about 2230 to 2330 Central Standard Time, two small squads of Green Army Regulars and White Guard (of the Tan Army of Ovilla) clashed in Island City, Kitchen County, Region of the House.

The Green squad, entered the city from the south and headed up Stuffing Street to 1st Ricekrispies Parkway. While crossing to 2nd Ricekrispies Parkway, they were fired upon by four White Guards, who had been heading south on Reynold’s Road. A Green sniper* was gunned down, but Green soldiers killed two Guards in return. Pursued by the Greens, the Guards retreated northwards.

Guards open fire on Green Army of Mtown (GAM) Regulars.

Two Green soldiers headed up 2nd Ricekrispies and killed a Guard crossing the intersection between Reynold’s and Ricekrispies. They then reached the intersection and fired at the two remaining Guards. One soldier was slain, but both remaining Guards fell to the Greens’ assault rifles.

The Green forces rapidly secured the city, claiming as booty a bottle of American beer. The capture of the beer seemed to hearten the Green soldiers, who have seen little action recently. “We don’t produce a lot of beer in Mtown.” a Green soldier said. “How can you be a soldier without beer?”

No civilians were reported killed during the firefight; however, the correspondent counted at least a dozen windows broken by gunfire.

A number of Blue Army aircraft – including a former USAF F-117 – flew over Island City during the battle. Why they were there is not certain – they supported neither ground force, although they may have been equipped with reconnaissance cameras.

Island City, noted for its Zipperbag and Icedtea Towers and its widely praised Tex-Mex cusine, is of great strategic importance in the war for Mtown, as it controls the kitchen, and aircraft based there can easily reach any area of the house and backyard.

The generals of Mtown, Otown, and Dallas could not be reached for comment.

Histor the Wise and Lt. Rab Staker, USAF, contributed to this article. Parkland Hospital of Dallas loaned the helicopter from which news photographs were taken.

Photos will have to wait - blogger beta is showing that computers are really allied with Beelzebub.






*Names will not be used in this report, in order to protect the soldiers and their relatives.