A short story.

Histor unlocked the door and walked to the table. He smelled of mud, recently-healed wounds, and melted chocolate.

"What the - so why are you back?" asked the Sucrose Inquisition.

"Because I lost part of my name, all my wisdom, and some hair. I need to recuperate. Your Eminences, can you hand me that mustard, some lemon juice, sugar, and a cup?"

"There's lemonade in the fridge, if that's what you want..." said Cardinal Maltodextrin, concealing his disgust, and the fact that the "mustard" was actually the innards of a deviled egg.

Histor walked to the fridge, drank the lemonade, then headed towards the computer. Cardinal Aspartame stopped him, muttering something that sounded like "you'll make the chair stink go shower." Histor went and showered, then came back to the computer.

In the box marked "Title:" he wrote "A short story."

And he wrote one.

THE END.

While dredging the Web, I found this:

"There's no energy on the non-zealot side of the cultural debate."

Some quotes - like this one - are just too exquisite to pass by. And so, taking a page out of G. K. Chesterton's book Tremendous Trifles, I will attempt to parody its style.

• There's a disappointing lack of Republicanism in the Democratic Party nowadays.



• Unfortunately, there's little sympathy for OU's football team among UT fans.



• Surfers, oddly enough, don't like to live in Nebraska.



• Saladin didn't actively support Richard the Lionheart's cause.



• Fish adamantly refuse to take part in marathons, despite a major publicity campaign aimed at getting "FINS ON THE ROAD!"

In more current news...

The Pope, for some reason, is "bypassing" Boston in his upcoming visit - point of fact, he's only going to New York and Washington, D.C. This, I suppose, proves beyond a doubt that Boston is now flyover country.

I think a lot of people are regretting the decision to let China have the Olympics. They're putting cell phone towers on Mount Everest, prohibiting Olympic athletes/attendees from having bibles...something tells me they'll next put a huge statue of Mao Zedong holding the Olympic Rings in Beijing. (By the way, the word "Beijing" is a blight on the eyes. Unlike "Peking" which had a tasteful clearness and lack of dots.)

In Venezuela, "reforming" a constitution apparently means creating a dictator and eliminating freedom of the press. Maybe they meant "reforming" in the sense that this is "reforming" a birthday cake.

Oh, and D.G.D. Davidson and I are doomed to MORTAL COMBAT!

On one side, the veteran of countless archaeological encounters and international Sharp Trowel Expert, on the other, a veteran of The Simplification with world-renowned prowess in blunt weaponry...

In the case of , um, this blog going dormant, I'll just say I don't much regret what I've done with my life (except the one time I used my sister's copy of Persuasion as tinder....and the time I ate Tabasco sauce straight....and some other things...)

Over and out.

I am - yet again - on hiatus...

I'm going to be writing some college application essays this week...once I finish those, I'll be putting out an essay on A Bright Shining Lie, which is a huge nonfiction book without a hero, and return to my chattering.


Meanwhile, here's some stuff I've dredged up...


There once was a lady called Ayn Rand, who wrote huge novels championing "Objectivism" (a sort of atheistic libertarianism); I found this old review of her book Atlas Shrugged interesting. (I still can't believe any sane person would name a fictional character Midas Mulligan.)


The B-Movie Catechism discovers that my web-name of "Histor" isn't quite that original, and takes a look at the lottery system in the meantime. Furthermore, his post on costumes for Hallowe'en (or All Saints' Day, if you prefer the latter celebration as my family does) inspired me to come up with animal/creature costumes:


A FROG from Frogs, (sorry, folks, no pic)

A GIANT GILA MONSTER,

AN ALIEN FROM WAR OF THE WORLDS (dare you to try it!),

THE DEADLY MANTIS from the movie of the same name,

and of course GODZILLA.

As for me, I'm going to dress up as one of the Blues Brothers...

Anyone got a pork-pie hat they could lend me?

I'm BANNED!

The SoV2 folks banned me! Apparently I'm a traditionalist extremely-medieval Republican Pharisee (all of which are quite true) so therefore I'm Not Church.

Therefore, I'm putting the "We Aren't Church" banner up to protect all those who Are Church from my site.

Incidentially, the folks at SoV2 don't like o's, i's and e's, preferring to substitute y in their place. Which, naturally, makes them the
Spyryt yf Vatycan II "Cathylyc" Fayth Cymmunyty.

Over and out!

Finishing some unfinished business...

First off, I finished Moby Dick. 615 pages of stirring action, despondent meditation, fearsome omens, and boring blather about whales. Don't expect a review, other than these two points:

a)It could be abridged, and
b)It's a good book.

Secondly, a long while back Cathy of Alex (as she calls herself) asked for a parody to "Music of the Night." I have finally written it, and it's going up on the next post.

Finally, from the Sci-Fi Catholic...




This, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when you don't let your son watch Star Wars: he becomes a history/literature geek. (Not that I mind not having watched Star Wars...)

Yes, I have a driver's license. Here's me driving.

No, I don't smoke. But I do have the sunglasses!

Gaudemus! My 12th grade books have arrived!

Including a somewhat infamous "American Government" book from A Beka!

It favors Prohibition, something which I do not happen to favor. (I don't even favor this Prohibition.) Here's a choice quote from page 169 of this gem (American Government in Christian Perspective, 2nd edition, 1997, A Beka Books, Pensacola, FL.)

"During the Prohibition Era (1920-1933), God blessed the nation in many ways."

I shall name some things from the Prohibition era.

Sinclair Lewis
Winnie the Pooh
Al Capone
short skirts
Charles Lindbergh
the Tommy Gun
Jazz
Margaret Sanger
hip flasks
Mickey Mouse cartoons

Draw your own conclusions.

Break out the fatted calf...

I finished 11th grade today!

Now all I have to do is start 12th grade and I'll be done with high school! Once done, I'll do college, and then maybe graduate school, and....oh well. The main thing is that I have finished 11th grade!

This goes out to Seton Home Study School:

Book Alert!

Saturday: H.L. Crawdad will (finally) give that essay on The Bridge over the River Kwai. (Yes, it's another of those whoops-I-way-missed-my-deadline essays!)

After that: A Bright Shining Lie, by Neil Sheehan. Exclusive review!

And after that....(drum roll)

Heart of Darkness!

Of course, I'm not sure what it's about yet, but....

A very important moral question is answered here

So now you'll know what to do.

On a related note, here are some important quotations from my summer trip:

"Can I have your earring again?"

"Can a dog be happy?"

"I know that I do not know that I know that I don't know."

(Two of these originated with your good author. Guess which one didn't.)

If you're wondering....

I'm having fun this summer, doing a traditional thing - summer school!

Can't go into detail, but this should give you an idea:



An exaggeration, of course...

UPDATE: I had to remove the original clip because of language, so I posted this one. Unfortunately, it's a commercial for a video game. Fortunately, it reflects my experience more accurately.

FOUR LEGS GOOD!

TWO LEGS BAD!

Ricky's got his paws on the grill.

I had to do a History test today....

Guess what I was listening to as I wrote on the Monroe Doctrine and the causes of the Civil War?

(sung by Edwin Starr)

War!
-huh-yeah
what is it good for?
absolutely nothing
Say it again

War-I despise
'Cos it means destruction
Of innocent lives

War means tears
To thousands of mothers how
When their sons go off to fight
And lose their lives

I said
War!
-huh
It ain't nothing but a heartbreak
War!
Friend only to the undertaker
It's an enemy of all mankind
the thought of war blows my mind

war has caused unrest within the younger generation (what a sentence for a pop song!)
induction
then destruction,
WHO WANTS TO DIE?

It ain't nothing but a heartbreaker
War!
it got one friend that's the undertaker

War has shattered
Many young men's dreams
made him disabled, bitter, and mean
life is much too short and precious
to spend fighting wars these days

war can't give life, it can only take it away

It ain't nothing but a heartbreaker
War!
Friend only to the undertaker
We've got no place for it today (and still it persists....)

They say we must fight to keep our freedom
But Lord knows there's just got to be a better way

War!
War!
War-Good God, yall
Give it to me, yeah
What is it good for?

(Notes: I really liked the lead-in drum roll! More seriously, this songs, although very good in what it's against, has nothing about what it's for. That's where it messes up. I believe that all organizations based on opposition will fail eventually.)

An explanation....

but first a recap.

I spent the whole of last week doing school. Well, except for Friday. That day, the Former Babysitter got married, and I was invited. It was a good wedding, the groom was a good man, and there was plenty of dancing at the reception afterwards.

Anyhow, the explanation. I'm behind in school. Way behind in school. Therefore, I'm only going to post on weekends, and then only if I can. It's all a matter of prioritizing (i.e. deciding what will help me make money in the long run; blogging is more a game than a profession.

Another thing I have to do is read some of the books that actually are on my "To Read" list at the side. I'll hopefully get some of those read now.

This state of affairs shall last until July 8th, when a cataclysmic change in my lifestyle shall (temporarily) occur. A change which, hopefully, will increase the amount of time I have for blogging.

These bugs have tried like heck to make my life miserable today.

Anyone who has some bug spray they haven't any use for?

I fought the SAT...

and the SAT won.

Really, I expect that I did well on the test. Don't know yet, and when I do know, be assured that you won't get any numbers - just vagueness.

I read several books, only two of which I shall review this week: namely, The Bridge over the River Kwai and Heart of Darkness.

Well, see y'all tomorrow!

When I wasn't studying for the SAT, guess what I was doing...;)

NOTICE!

I will not post anything on this blog until June 3, 2007 - right after the last SAT.

Draw your own conclusions.

Again, someone searched for...

examples of introvert and extrovert

and got to me.

I would say.....me and everyone else.

My dad mentioned that I got lost yesterday

Interestingly enough, he describes getting lost as a learning opportunity.

As Screwtape (and others) said long ago, by letting someone fail, you can open them to further improvement.

Dad had applied cartography in mind. Screwtape was thinking of morality. And I just want to remember all the exits.

A note from the same trip: Dad had Glenn Miller music playing, and mentioned that it was probably the last music many World War II soldiers heard before their deaths.

I responded that they had it better than soldiers in Vietnam.

Did bad in the contest

Got second place.

Oh well.