Wednesday, January 3, 2007

A Gentle Fuss wants us all to Cheat the Prophet

Can't blame him.

This list of prophecies is worth reading, but overly long, so...

I'll summarize them.

  1. The magical powers of cell phones and the Internet will cause Jihadists to give up trying to shove Islam down the world's throat. Instead, they will sit around playing Final Fantasy XIV.
  2. The veritable mob of juvenile superstitions (Religion, four-leaf clovers, MTV, sugar cookies) will be neutralized once some folks in lab coats announce that they "understand EVERYTHING! but, er, they'll have to test their hypotheses, and they may be proved wrong, and frankly, we have no idea how we can prove the non-existence of God, who according to all reports does not show up on a spectrometer..."
  3. The V.M.o.J.S. will be destroyed by the Folks in Lab Coats flinging tiny particles into walls at high speed.
  4. Violence will eventually decrease, since prophecies 1 and 2 will be fulfilled, and besides, one only ever kills because of religion or insanity (cases in point: Al Capone, Crazy Horse, General Patton).
  5. One day, large-scale organized group violence (aka 'warfare) will end, as the banishment of the V.M.o.J.S will cause everyone to have warm fuzzies for each other. (If it weren't for the V.M.o.J.S., folks, Russia wouldn't want Chechyna, China wouldn't want Taiwan, North Korea wouldn't want South Korea...)
  6. Autistic children will become better, the same way that Down's Syndrom children have become better - by exterminating them before they are born and affect the statistics. (The extermination will not count as large-scale organized group violence, of course.)
  7. People will be able to live active lives past 100. They will want to live longer, as the extinction of the V.M.o.J.S. will cause them to fear death like maniacs.
  8. Prophecy 7 will make doctors very rich.

Don't you feel better already, O followers of the Veritable Mob of Juvenile, Sensibilities...I mean, Superstitions?