Monday, January 1, 2007

My New Year's Resolutions

To the Readers of this blog and all men of good will:

It having come to the attention of Histor the Wise that the Two Thousandth and Seventh Year of Our Lord has now arrived;

And that it is the custom of residents of the United States of America to resolve to lose weight in the New Year;

The custom above seeming to be extremely ridiculous to Histor the Wise;

Histor therefore has resolved to set up a new custom for the imitation and improvement of the American populace by resolving to, among other things:

  1. Read no less than 50 books (a book being such works of the imagination or the intellect which are recorded in written or electronically displayed language, possessing at least 500 standard-sized pages full of writing or its equivalent, blah blah blah);
  2. Run 2 miles a day at least five days a week, setting aside no more than twenty minutes per day for this purpose;
  3. Render the blog known as "Est Puzzlementem" primarily an organ of thoughtful reflections of genuine and lasting value, rather than a hodgepodge of Tintin parodies, comments upon religious matters, news articles dealing with toy soldiers, and rambling;
  4. By the above resolution and similar means, more clearly deserve Raulito's reference to me as "One Thoughtful Dude;
  5. Spend as little time as possible engaging in superfluous activity on the computer, that is, things that do not improve my ability to generate schoolwork, such articles as would fulfill resolution #3, and comic prose or illustrations;
  6. And not to carve a monumental sculpture of Oscar Homolka out of Colby Jack Cheese.

This having been written at four o'clock, in the Central Standard Time of the North American Continent, on the First day of January in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Seven, by Histor the Wise independent of all secretaries, amanuenses, ghost-writers, or similar aides,

It is solemnly and electronically signed by

Histor the Wise.