I attempt to answer this by Paulinus:

1. Why when many churches have perfectly adequate choir lofts do you have to stand in full view in front of/in the sanctuary?

2. Why should a ‘folk’ group have a sound system roughly the size of a Rolling Stones tour ca. 1976?

3. The GIRM provides for periods of silence in Mass. Have you read this?

4. Why are folk groups nearly always ‘led’ by a woman - not very inclusive is it? (and if you are so keen on actuosa particpatio why is everything pitched for castrati?)

5. Why do folk groups dress for a midweek trip to the pub rather than an encounter with the Lord God Almighty?

6. Why does every intro start “Dum-dum-dum-dum-chinga-dum-chinga-dum-chinga….”?

7. Is there no folk setting for Faith of our Fathers or Sweet Sacrament Divine? (It’s always Eagle’s Wings and the like)

8. Given that proper folk artists like Kate Rusby produce music which is by turns melodic, plaintive or joyous, how come most folk groups sound like The Wurzels?

9. Do you really have to start loud conversations immediately after Mass in/in front of the Sanctuary as you dismantle your equipment and as other people are making their thanksgiving after Mass?

10. How do I get rid of you?

Me:

1. 'Cause then everyone can see the musicians, who are the Star Attraction.
2. Well, it was either that or donate the extra money in the choir budget to the poor.
3. "Silence?" You mean that Simon and Garfunkl song?
4. Men think it's sissy to lead a choir, and we want them to keep thinking like that. Besides, who doesn't love squeaky female voices pounding out "Gather Us In?" Surely not you recusants!
5. What's disrespectful about ragged jeans and tube tops? Or Hawaiian shirts that expose the navel and 6 inches of hair (for the men, of course)? We wear these to job interviews, blast it!
6. Because we don't know the "Bum, bum badadabumbum, badadum bump badadumdum..." that Jefferson Airplane used in "White Rabbit."
7. Can't we talk about something else?
8. I luv the Wurzels! Don't insult them!
9. No. But it's fun, ain't it?
10. Six words: "Can you sing "Alma Redemptoris Mater?"