Monsters under the bed? That's so 20th Century.

Nowadays, we need mass murderers, abductors, global warming, and nuclear bombs under the bed.

On a brighter note: SCIENTISTS FIND MOST EARTHLIKE PLANET YET!

I await eagerly Gliesian messages: "Greetings to earth! We have come to drop off huge spaceship for HISTOR THE WISE to fly around in and blow our enemies up with."